First-year couple staying together

Kyle Seasly
May 7, 2015
Filed under Humor

It's official. First-years Janet "Jannifer" Reno and William "Billiam" Rogers are staying together for the summer of 2015. "I'm so excited for Jannifer," exclaimed one friend of Reno's. "Billiam is such a great guy. I love that ant farm he has in his room. So badass." On their scramble, where Reno... Read more »

Boy sneezes in Encounters

Kyle Seasly
April 30, 2015
Filed under Humor

It was 11:37 on a Friday morning in first-year James Leblooze's Encounters section with Tom Davis when something happened that changed Leblooze's life forever. Leblooze had been experiencing mild allergy symptoms but had taken a little Allegra and drank some tea and said later that he felt "genuinely... Read more »

Mercyvail resigns

Kyle Seasly
April 23, 2015
Filed under Humor

It was to the surprise of many normally apathetic Whitman students that President-elect Jack Mercyvail would not be occupying to the ASWC Presidency next fall. In a surprise press conference followed by a solemn brunch on April 21, Mercyvail discussed his reasoning: "I cannot with good conscience ascend... Read more »

Whitman College Pioneer given national comedy nods due to Jack Issue’s success

Kyle Seasly
April 9, 2015
Filed under Humor

Springtime is recognized around the world as a season of rebirth, fresh beginnings and a renewed sense of nymphomania. This spring, however, greeted many Backpage writers with the bitter taste of failure –– similar to the taste of octopus droppings (although some cultures do regard this as a delicacy). Indeed,... Read more »

Jackpage: Talking to strangers on planes

Jackpage: Talking to strangers on planes

Kyle Seasly
March 12, 2015
Filed under Humor

... Read more »

Kale mutated innocent cerebellum of Whitman-based serial killer

Kyle Seasly
March 5, 2015
Filed under Humor

When Michelle Ma sent out an email notifying all Whitman students of an "Emergency Alert," most students dismissed it as another mistakenly sent email. Indeed, mere minutes later, she sent out an email apologizing that she had mistakenly sent out the "Emergency Alert" and that everything was "just fine... Read more »

“Are the trustees reptiles from space?” asks divestors

Kyle Seasly
February 26, 2015
Filed under Humor

It was a late night for the Whitman Divestment movement a few weeks ago. 8:47 p.m. Way past everyone's bedtime. They were used to divesting right after they showered in the morning (no conditioner allowed!) so their hair and their lifestyle would be oil-free. Their previous strategies of putting on... Read more »

Backpage rant: Lifestyle choices survey edition

Kyle Seasly
February 19, 2015
Filed under Humor

It's that time of year again when the dude who is rumored to be Kris Kristofferson's long-lost brother sends out an email entitled "Whitman Lifestyle Choices Survey." When one imagines the Whitman lifestyle, a few images come to mind: eating Walla Walla sweet onions on designated Wednesday evenings,... Read more »

George W. Bush lectures at Whitman Art Department

Kyle Seasly
February 12, 2015
Filed under Humor

Nothing quite says 'Spring' like former presidents giving commencement addresses on their post-presidential passions. Few have forgotten President Jimmy Carter's April 1994 speech at Columbia University regarding Habitat for Humanity, or Ulysses S. Grant's lecture titled "I Won the War Drunk" at... Read more »

WWPD shuts down rager

Kyle Seasly
February 5, 2015
Filed under Humor

A typical Whitman weekend night consists of the following: hitting up the Taqueria with pals, deciding whether or not to go out for 40 minutes, getting ready and drinking cement mixers, staying out from 10 to midnight and then going to bed immediately. The Whitman population spends half of the next day... Read more »

Library gives away nitrous balloons to start semester

Kyle Seasly
January 29, 2015
Filed under Humor

Sophomore Enivronment Studies major Billy Fernandez could barely believe his eyes when he walked into the library for the first time this semester. A self-declared "total dead-head, bro," he immediately knew that the balloons hovering over the library walkway were no mere publicity stunt. "Sherlock... Read more »

The Backpage pontificates

Kyle Seasly
October 30, 2014
Filed under Humor

Dear Backpage, I feel like a dolphin caught in a six-pack ring. Thank Oceanus I have you guys. Anyway, this girl I'm into acts like I don't even exist. We were partners in Encounters when we discussed Sartre, so I know she at least knows that. What should I do to get her to notice me? Plz halp. Advicereciever69 Dear... Read more »