Jackpage: Tiny Jack adventures in public park with grandpa

Jack Swain
May 7, 2015
Filed under Humor

The summer I turned five... in the park with my grandfather, walking... He held a bag of bread crumbs in one hand, mine in the other. His hands (which so long ago held rifles in the army) were hard, calloused and gentle. He smiled at me and his bristly moustache wrinkled his face. We were going to... Read more »

New frat arrives

Callie Brown
May 7, 2015
Filed under Humor

In light of recent events, Whitman College has decided to make a new fraternity solely for prospective students. It will be named Sigma Upsilon Kappa (otherwise known as SUK) and will only allow prospective students to join as members. What could possibly be the reason for this new fraternity? Well,... Read more »

First-year couple staying together

Kyle Seasly
May 7, 2015
Filed under Humor

It's official. First-years Janet "Jannifer" Reno and William "Billiam" Rogers are staying together for the summer of 2015. "I'm so excited for Jannifer," exclaimed one friend of Reno's. "Billiam is such a great guy. I love that ant farm he has in his room. So badass." On their scramble, where Reno... Read more »

Jackpage: Understanding babies

Jack Swain
April 30, 2015
Filed under Humor

A week or two ago I went to Safeway and something really wild happened. I was minding my own business, contemplating the cereal aisle, when I came across a baby. She was standing up, wearing a fuzzy blue onesie and a full head of blonde hair. Her parents were nowhere to be seen. It was just me and the... Read more »

Boy sneezes in Encounters

Kyle Seasly
April 30, 2015
Filed under Humor

It was 11:37 on a Friday morning in first-year James Leblooze's Encounters section with Tom Davis when something happened that changed Leblooze's life forever. Leblooze had been experiencing mild allergy symptoms but had taken a little Allegra and drank some tea and said later that he felt "genuinely... Read more »

Tales from beyond the Frat: Confessions in the wake of partaking in the Jaeger challenge

Dylan Snyder
April 30, 2015
Filed under Humor

Now while the story I am about to tell is mostly true, details have been changed to protect the innocent as they were involved in the story. But the fear, passion, elation and misery that is discussed is all too real. I don't recommend doing this to anyone, unless they want to feel completely at a loss... Read more »

Mercyvail resigns

Kyle Seasly
April 23, 2015
Filed under Humor

It was to the surprise of many normally apathetic Whitman students that President-elect Jack Mercyvail would not be occupying to the ASWC Presidency next fall. In a surprise press conference followed by a solemn brunch on April 21, Mercyvail discussed his reasoning: "I cannot with good conscience ascend... Read more »

Orcas found to be conspiring to destroy all of humanity

Reed Hendrickson
April 23, 2015
Filed under Humor

Through the making of "Blackfish," a movie about the entrapment of orca whales (part of the dolphin family), dolphin psychologists and neurologists have been studying the effects of tight enclosures on the orca's brain chemistry. By implanting electrodes in the mind of the orca, these scientists are... Read more »

Browning Out: Summer job hunt

Callie Brown
April 16, 2015
Filed under Humor

Spring is rapidly approaching, and we all know what that means: Summer is just around the corner. And again, we all know what that means: You had better find yourself a job, you lazy asshole. Personally, I had the nice experience of applying for a whole multitude of jobs when I was home over spring break.... Read more »

Jackpage: Note found!

Jack Swain
April 16, 2015
Filed under Humor

The other day, I found a crumpled letter in a wastepaper basket. What was I doing snooping through the garbage? An ordinary person might think it unusual to browse through trash cans, but I find it actually quite worthwhile. You really can get to know someone by searching through their trash. I'm seri... Read more »

Local man wants to settle down and get divorced

Trevor Lewis
April 9, 2015
Filed under Humor

In these uncertain times of almost 50% of marriages ending in death, it can be easy for some to lose faith in the sanctity of divorce. Luckily, hope springs eternal. This is especially the case for local fishmonger and ranch dressing enthusiast Rob Fenderman. Ever since he can remember, Rob has wanted... Read more »

Whitman College Poetry Society presents: Heedson Redrick’s brilliant ”˜Poems of Punishment’

Reed Hendrickson
April 9, 2015
Filed under Humor

Sincerity A concept so important Yet so rarely true When you sit down on a stump to think Does the term really describe you? One's own ego tends to create a stink Only in small doses Sincerity tries to show itself Fluctuating between real and fake The idea of it flummoxes me One shall fe... Read more »