Whitman news since 1896

Help Birkenstock the Marginally Less Fortunate

Trevor Lewis, staff writer
February 4, 2016
Filed under Humor

Did you know that somewhere on a liberal arts college campus every day, a hipster is forced to decide between donning the footwear of his choice and purchasing yet another pair of electric blue corduroy pants? This is not the America I want to live in. We here at Whitman’s newest social activism group, â... Read more »

Snapchat Epidemic Annoyingly Persists

Ben Freedman, humor editor
February 4, 2016
Filed under Humor

There is an epidemic spreading across the Whitman campus, and it shows no signs of decline. I’m talking of course, about Snapchatting. According to a recent poll, eight out of ten Whitman students admit to using the application daily, and as the numbers increase, there is little that can be done to... Read more »

Bicycle, Bike!

Jack Swain, staff writer
February 4, 2016
Filed under Humor

I got my bike stolen last night. I found my broken lock in the gravel. Someone must have snipped it with a pair of bolt-cutters. I picked it up, and held its fragile body. It felt like a tiny, helpless animal. I felt a strong surge of pity for it. Now that there was no bike, its life’s purpose had ... Read more »

Report: pluto “so done” with whole planet thing

Jeffrey Gustaveson, staff writer
January 28, 2016
Filed under Humor

Kuiper Belt, Solar System, Milky Way Pluto, the dwarf planet best known for its demotion from full planet ten years ago, released a statement on Thursday, saying it was, “So done with the whole planet thing.” The statement comes in the wake of last week’s announcement that astronomers have... Read more »

Surviving winter break: tips from a veteran

Austin Biehl, staff writer
January 28, 2016
Filed under Humor

Winter break can be a trying time. Yes, the comforts of home are seductive: consuming meals that aren’t mild laxatives, sleeping in a bed without listening to your roommate snore, and getting to torment your parents just a little are some of my personal favorites. But Winter Break is also four weeks... Read more »

Super PACs invade Greek life

Megumi Rierson, staff writer
January 28, 2016
Filed under Humor

The most recent Greek election cycle brought with it the addition of student-operated super political action committees (super PACs). You may have heard the term “super PAC” thrown around by the 2016 presidential candidates and that kid who read one New York Times op-ed and now won’t stop brin... Read more »

Baby it’s cold outside (and we’re all going to die)

Clara Wheeler, Staff writer
December 10, 2015
Filed under Humor

The recent appearance of snow on the ground made one thing clear: Nature is throwing in the towel and has declared humans as the victor over global warming! We should all take a moment to congratulate ourselves. We have finally won. Gone is the danger of ice caps melting, of rising sea levels taking out... Read more »

Five tips to have the most productive Winter Break EVER!

Jeffrey Gustaveson, Humor editor
December 10, 2015
Filed under Humor

Winter Break is a great time for relaxation and catching up with friends. But it’s also a great time to get a jump start on your career. Courtesy of Whitman’s own Student Engagement Center, here are the five things you can do to make your break both fun AND productive!  Make a LinkedIn account. LinkedIn is the online n... Read more »

Jackpage: Someone left a light on downstairs

Jack Swain
December 10, 2015
Filed under Humor

Our living room is a pigsty. A paper plate on the floor holds the rotting remains of a pomegranate. Biochemistry textbooks and torn vogue magazines. Mugs, bowls, spoons and trash. There is a knife sticking out of the wall. The carpet is stained with red wine and, it seems, with blood. Matted clots of ha... Read more »

Making the holidays halfway tolerable: A guide to avoiding conversation about your future

December 10, 2015
Filed under Humor

Ahhhhh the holidays. A time to be with family, give thanks for all the love around you, sip casually on a glass (or five) of actually decent wine courtesy of your parents and, of course, deal with droves of people aggressively asking you about your future plans. Now that you’ve just spent a week at... Read more »

Delta Iota Kappa Hosts Globe and Shackle

Austin Biehl, staff writer
December 3, 2015
Filed under Humor

Every year as the leaves begin to change color, Whitman College is subjected to a hideous plague that wracks the school for a good eight months. From the stomach flu to the permanent sore throat to the raspy first-year kennel cough, there are a wide variety of ailments available to the Whitman studen... Read more »

Kanye concert divides campus

Ben Freedman, staff writer
December 3, 2015
Filed under Humor

Although she has only been the president of Whitman for a few short months, Kathleen Murray has revealed bold plans for the rest of the school year. During the first faculty budget meeting after Thanksgiving, Murray’s expressed her growing concern with Whitman-sponsored events. “It has come to my... Read more »