Freshman Boy Unsure If He Went On Date

Last Saturday, Jewett Hall resident Max Wallets went out to get a beverage with a friend of his. A week after the morning out on the town, one thing still confuses Wallets.

“Was it a date?” he asked a Pioneer reporter and first-year romance expert.

The two met on Ankeny Field and walked to the Patisserie to get coffee after hooking up on the dance floor at Tau Kappa Epsilon Post-I.

“We danced a lot. Like, a lot. At the Post-I. Not on the walk. The walk was kind of awkward, actually,” admitted Wallets.

In fact, the awkwardness began at the conception of the plan, which was riddled with misunderstanding.

“We were talking about Taylor Swift, as I often do at parties to get girls. Girls love Taylor Swift. When she asked what I thought about the new album, I suppressed girly giggles to coolly tell her it ‘was way too poppy.’ She thought I said ‘way too coffee.’ I told her that would not make sense, and she asked what time we were going to the Patisserie. I still don’t know her name,” he cried.

Wallets is actually allergic to heated beverages, so he drank room temperature water while his companion sipped an extra foamy caramel frappe-mocha-ccino and told him about her ex-boyfriend for two hours.

“I drank a lot of water. I had to pee for most of it. Pretty much all, actually. She talks a lot,” he said.

The girl he took forgot her wallet, so Wallets was forced to pay for her beverage. On the walk home, Wallets finally got a chance to talk.

“I told her she was pretty hot. Like hotter than most girls I have hooked up with. And a good dancer, too. I was really just thinking aloud. I’m still pretty surprised she hooked up with me,” confessed Wallets.

When they got back to campus, Wallets walked her back to her room, which he discovered was right across the hall from his own.

“I guess I never really noticed her before. I play a lot of Smash Bros. Seems pretty weird that we met up on Ankeny, now that I think about it,” he said.

They gave an awkward hug that lasted a little longer than Wallets expected and then went into their respective rooms.

“I don’t know if I’ll see her. Not in the dating sense. I am really busy and probably won’t notice her again for a while,” he said.

For Wallets, the cups of water he drank at the Patisserie marked the first food or beverage he consumed outside of Jewett Dining Hall.

“Except Prentiss brunch. I love brunch,” he admitted shamefully.

Wallets has never drunk cups of water with a girl, but doesn’t see it as a binding contract.

“What if I get thirsty around another girl? I can drink with her, right? I mean, it was just water, and kind of awkward, really,” he said awkwardly.




Filed under: Humor

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