Comments on: Flu increases at Whitman, strain unknown

By: Connparison #8: The Whitman Pioneer vs The Walla Walla Union-Bulletin part II: The revenge of the premise « Connparisons

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:01:36 +0000

[...] The Whitman Pioneer vs The Walla Walla Union-Bulletin [...]

By: leanegrin

leanegrin — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:35:02 +0000

Hey, I don’t want to upset anyone, but can we take out “continues” and maybe substitute the word “strike” in the opening sentence because the flu has been coming pretty gradually, two weeks ago there were 25 students and now there are 85. (that isn’t 85 sick at the moment, its 85 who have been sick altogether since the beginning of classes) Maybe the opening sentence could include “Flu-like symptoms have arrived on campus” and the title be something less frightening. I know it’ll make it less interesting but the truth is that it hasn’t been a big issue and the people who have been ill have gotten better and have had the support of the campus and their professors.

By: leanegrin

leanegrin — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:41:20 +0000

Tomorrow I’m getting an updated count from the Health Center and then I’ll definitely fix the lede and turn it into a news format lede rather than features.
I edited the messy sentence, it now reads:”Although supplies were further strained by the loss, local pharmacies who had the vaccine on hand pooled their supplies together to offer them to the public.”
Thanks!

By: leanegrin

leanegrin — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:41:18 +0000

By: Gillian Frew

Gillian Frew — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:27:54 +0000

Nice article, Lea! I’m glad you managed to adapt to the changing situation. Edits:

“As of this afternoon we’ve had only 25 cases of influenza like illnesses,” said Claudia Ness, interim director of Whitman’s health center, Oct. 19.

First, this should be paraphrased rather than quoted because it is only factual information, not opinion. I also think this lede would be much stronger if you brought in some of the more interesting info included later on, like how 1,000 doses were ruined AND that the health center is not actually testing for swine flu. I think that’s really the most interesting thing about this story, so it should be much higher up.

Also, Lea and copy editors: “local pharmacies with the vaccine pooled continued to offer them to the public.”

I think there is a typo there because that sentence doesn’t make sense. Please fix it.

Let me know if you need help working on the lede. Great front page story!